I don't want it to seem like I've lost faith or interest in God. Though, I will admit I have been apathetic, which seems to plague me from time to time. This does not make me happy, in fact, thankfully it has begun to scare the hell out of me. Not because I fear death and an eternity in hell, but because I am separated from the love of my life. I cannot love to my full capability without him, I cannot become humble, I cannot become creative, and I cannot see the world the way he meant for me/us to see it.
Without being near to my father, I am nothing. Merely walking matter. I become more science than soul, I become more restless than whole. I never claimed to be Jesus, and I'm tired of playing God. Heaven won't rebuke me, thus angels must guide me. Home is where the gates extravagantly welcome, with the souls of men whom have died great deaths for the sake of something greater than themselves. And where our King awaits our arrival just as he swooned over our hearts, by loving he gave existence to love itself. And that, WILL always trump anything that may come against it. Some will fight, to which I challenge in return, dare to love.
That's my Kingdom, that's why I will die divine.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Love Is...
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
One of the greatest gifts we are given in life, is freedom.
God has given us the freedom to choose, something as essential as whether to believe in him or not. What good would we be if we were pre-programmed to love him? This is why love is so important, because it offers an opportunity to make a decision. If we are not given that opportunity to decide, how would it ever be something that we could come to cherish? Being forced to do something creates obligation, and bitterness, and not a genuine intrest or desire.
The first synonym referenced to the definition of love, is 1. tenderness
Are we being tender with the ones we love? Are we listening to them?
Years ago I read in "The Five Love Languages" about a marriage that was suffering greatly but the couple just did not know what to do. One wanted to fix things, the other seemed to be uninterested; the wife expressed how she had done so much to try to love him, she'd tried a number of things. After over a year of "Therapy" I guess you would call it, they first embraced the idea of the "love languages." They saved their marriage, by simply listening to each other. They were so wrapped up in trying to do things for each other, or maybe their sex life was suffering, but it was as simple as listening to each other.
Listening to someone gives them the ultimate respect, it shows them that you care. It can be one of the greatest ways to show someone that you genuinely are interested in them and what they have to say. Sometimes, it's the little things that can make the biggest difference.
A wise man once told me, "Love is doing what's best for someone, no matter what it means for you or for them." Love is not proud, it does not have it's own agenda. And, it will never be manifested, until freedom is found.
One of the greatest gifts we are given in life, is freedom.
God has given us the freedom to choose, something as essential as whether to believe in him or not. What good would we be if we were pre-programmed to love him? This is why love is so important, because it offers an opportunity to make a decision. If we are not given that opportunity to decide, how would it ever be something that we could come to cherish? Being forced to do something creates obligation, and bitterness, and not a genuine intrest or desire.
The first synonym referenced to the definition of love, is 1. tenderness
Are we being tender with the ones we love? Are we listening to them?
Years ago I read in "The Five Love Languages" about a marriage that was suffering greatly but the couple just did not know what to do. One wanted to fix things, the other seemed to be uninterested; the wife expressed how she had done so much to try to love him, she'd tried a number of things. After over a year of "Therapy" I guess you would call it, they first embraced the idea of the "love languages." They saved their marriage, by simply listening to each other. They were so wrapped up in trying to do things for each other, or maybe their sex life was suffering, but it was as simple as listening to each other.
Listening to someone gives them the ultimate respect, it shows them that you care. It can be one of the greatest ways to show someone that you genuinely are interested in them and what they have to say. Sometimes, it's the little things that can make the biggest difference.
A wise man once told me, "Love is doing what's best for someone, no matter what it means for you or for them." Love is not proud, it does not have it's own agenda. And, it will never be manifested, until freedom is found.
World Wealth. Prayer of St. Augustine.
Did you know, that it would cost $20 Billion Dollars to feed everyone in the world for a year?
Did you know that Americans spend that in Ice Cream every year? Let's no longer turn a def ear and a blind eye to the people around the world that are suffering. By making simple simple sacrifices, you could enhance the lives of tens, maybe even thousands. Think of what little you could give up, to make the entire world truly, a better place. I believe as Christians we are called to be Christ to all people, it's actually extremely obvious if you've ever read the bible that that is the people we are supposed to be.
Here are some statistics to think about:
- If you make minimum wage in the United States of America, you are still in the top 96th percentile of world wealth. Meaning, though you may be poor, you are indeed considered "rich."
- At present, 3 billion people live on less than $2 per day while 1.3 billion get by on less than $1 per day.
- According to Forbes 20th Annual List of the Richest People published in 2006, there are 793 billionaires in the world!
- "The 11th annual World Wealth Report from Merrill Lynch/Capgemini finds the World’s High Net Worth (HNW) population growing to 9.5 million with their assets rising to $37.2 trillion."
I can't look at these numbers and not feel guilty, because there are BILLIONS of people around the world going hungry, living in conditions we couldn't survive in for 48 hours, while we sit here in America living it up. Don't misinterpret me, I feel extremely blessed to have what I have and to have been born here and have the opportunities that I do; but we can no longer ignore the cries of the people in the world who need us!
As of January 08, 2008 there are 303,202,996 people in the United States alone.
Just think if even a quarter of us gave one dollar, ONE DOLLAR! What a difference that could make. I pray that mercy would be shown upon those who never come to give, due to pride and greed. Because they will be facing something that I never want to imagine, because there WILL be a day whether you want it to come or not, that we will face our maker and he will know our deeds.
My heart is broken.
Less of me, and more of you Father.
When the poor are hungry, homeless or alienated, the Church has come to their aid by providing food, shelter and missionaries to meet the pressing needs. But when the poor have been oppressed, treated unjustly and suffered under the hand of someone more powerful, little was done on their behalf.
Breathe in me O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy; Act in me O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy; Draw my heart O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy; Strengthen me O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy; Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy. Amen.
Did you know that Americans spend that in Ice Cream every year? Let's no longer turn a def ear and a blind eye to the people around the world that are suffering. By making simple simple sacrifices, you could enhance the lives of tens, maybe even thousands. Think of what little you could give up, to make the entire world truly, a better place. I believe as Christians we are called to be Christ to all people, it's actually extremely obvious if you've ever read the bible that that is the people we are supposed to be.
Here are some statistics to think about:
- If you make minimum wage in the United States of America, you are still in the top 96th percentile of world wealth. Meaning, though you may be poor, you are indeed considered "rich."
- At present, 3 billion people live on less than $2 per day while 1.3 billion get by on less than $1 per day.
- According to Forbes 20th Annual List of the Richest People published in 2006, there are 793 billionaires in the world!
- "The 11th annual World Wealth Report from Merrill Lynch/Capgemini finds the World’s High Net Worth (HNW) population growing to 9.5 million with their assets rising to $37.2 trillion."
I can't look at these numbers and not feel guilty, because there are BILLIONS of people around the world going hungry, living in conditions we couldn't survive in for 48 hours, while we sit here in America living it up. Don't misinterpret me, I feel extremely blessed to have what I have and to have been born here and have the opportunities that I do; but we can no longer ignore the cries of the people in the world who need us!
As of January 08, 2008 there are 303,202,996 people in the United States alone.
Just think if even a quarter of us gave one dollar, ONE DOLLAR! What a difference that could make. I pray that mercy would be shown upon those who never come to give, due to pride and greed. Because they will be facing something that I never want to imagine, because there WILL be a day whether you want it to come or not, that we will face our maker and he will know our deeds.
My heart is broken.
Less of me, and more of you Father.
When the poor are hungry, homeless or alienated, the Church has come to their aid by providing food, shelter and missionaries to meet the pressing needs. But when the poor have been oppressed, treated unjustly and suffered under the hand of someone more powerful, little was done on their behalf.
Breathe in me O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy; Act in me O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy; Draw my heart O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy; Strengthen me O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy; Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy. Amen.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Sex Sells.
What do you say we just forget
Cus I'm good with faces but I can't get the names
But an ounce of light on them and it's all the same
I could remember if it weren't for the spaces between
Everyone walking without personality
I hear we are all conscious, but my God who in hell stole the shape
Of the hearts that you made in heaven meant for love, now escaped
The wind carries with it, a light from the stars
Shooting skies falling down placing names with the scars
Hollywood's lookin pretty like the temptress she is
But she lied about love in a scene, I was just a boy then
When lies turned to beauty and eyes turned to shame
You made love out to be some sex and some flames
Proposterous love invaded with pop culture prose
The cons were the public, to this day they don't know
Shoved down like a pill they swallowed love like a fiend
Lust manifested love and made them weak in the knees
When lies turned to beauty and eyes turned to shame
The fake came 'a running turning love into games
Cus I'm good with faces but I can't get the names
But an ounce of light on them and it's all the same
I could remember if it weren't for the spaces between
Everyone walking without personality
I hear we are all conscious, but my God who in hell stole the shape
Of the hearts that you made in heaven meant for love, now escaped
The wind carries with it, a light from the stars
Shooting skies falling down placing names with the scars
Hollywood's lookin pretty like the temptress she is
But she lied about love in a scene, I was just a boy then
When lies turned to beauty and eyes turned to shame
You made love out to be some sex and some flames
Proposterous love invaded with pop culture prose
The cons were the public, to this day they don't know
Shoved down like a pill they swallowed love like a fiend
Lust manifested love and made them weak in the knees
When lies turned to beauty and eyes turned to shame
The fake came 'a running turning love into games
Mutiny.
Words define everything we ever heard
So we keep fighting this war with our words
Elementary ambitions fantasized in our qualms
Lead a mutiny of people to the fall of us all
So we keep fighting this war with our words
Elementary ambitions fantasized in our qualms
Lead a mutiny of people to the fall of us all
Thursday, January 10, 2008
The Ballad Of Love and Hate
Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.
“My vacations ending I’m coming home late.”
“The weather was fine and the ocean was great.”
“And I can’t wait to see you again.”
Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
“No one here cares if you go or you stay.”
“I barely even noticed that you were away.”
“I’ll see you or I won’t, whatever.”
Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies.
And also when she comes down.
Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets.
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
with a serious look on his face.
Love arrives safely with suitcase in toe.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow
To trust, to hold, to care
Hate sits alone on the hood of his car
without much regard to the moon or the stars.
Lazily killing the last of a jar
of the strongest stuff you can drink.
Love takes a taxi, a young man drives
As soon he sees her hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after at the end of the ride.
Cause he might never see her again.
Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.
He screams over the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says two fifty five
And the clock in the kitchen is slow.
Love has been waiting patient and kind.
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign.
That the one that she cares for who’s out of his mind
Will make it back safe to her arms.
Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.
Weary head hung down, eyes to the floor
He says, “Love I’m sorry” and she says, “What for?”
“I’m yours and that’s it, whatever”
“I should not have been gone for so long”
“I’m yours and that’s it, forever”
“Your mine and that’s it, forever”
“My vacations ending I’m coming home late.”
“The weather was fine and the ocean was great.”
“And I can’t wait to see you again.”
Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
“No one here cares if you go or you stay.”
“I barely even noticed that you were away.”
“I’ll see you or I won’t, whatever.”
Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies.
And also when she comes down.
Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets.
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
with a serious look on his face.
Love arrives safely with suitcase in toe.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow
To trust, to hold, to care
Hate sits alone on the hood of his car
without much regard to the moon or the stars.
Lazily killing the last of a jar
of the strongest stuff you can drink.
Love takes a taxi, a young man drives
As soon he sees her hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after at the end of the ride.
Cause he might never see her again.
Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.
He screams over the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says two fifty five
And the clock in the kitchen is slow.
Love has been waiting patient and kind.
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign.
That the one that she cares for who’s out of his mind
Will make it back safe to her arms.
Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.
Weary head hung down, eyes to the floor
He says, “Love I’m sorry” and she says, “What for?”
“I’m yours and that’s it, whatever”
“I should not have been gone for so long”
“I’m yours and that’s it, forever”
“Your mine and that’s it, forever”
Monday, January 7, 2008
John 3:30
30He must become greater; I must become less.
I find my desire to learn about the bible, history, and language growing.
My desire to counsel has always been something in the back of my mind, to which I don't know what to do with. I don't want to do something because of it's comfortability, or it's accessibility, but I also don't want to do something simply because it's freedom's or possibilities. It's hard to say, because I analyze most everything. Here's what it comes to, I'd be lying if I said part of the recognition and money that come with being a recognized musician didn't have something to do with why I want to do it. But, in everything wewant to do in life has a drive and a desire behind it. But, my reasonings behind wanting to know language, history, the bible and so forth have very little selfish desire behind them. Again, there is the underlying desire to be respected, to come off as intelligent and as though I know exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm afraid there will never be contentment in anything I or we do until we listen to the voice of God, and do what HE wants for us. If he says, "go, play music, I'll provide, but you will never be famour nor will you be rich." I will follow, and I could say I only hope the riches I gain from that lifestyle would be experiences and freedom, but again if I'm submissive there would be no "but's."
I'm far from a good person, I believe. I think I am the scum of the earth, though I'm reassured by the Revelation of, well, Revelation. That sin is not who we are, in fact, it may not even be our nature. For we are saints, and sin is something that is a foreign act to us, as christians.
I prefer and believe that aspect a great deal more than the latter. It sets the standard high, it gives little room for justification, and it assures me that we are beautiful. We are saints, not sinners.
Sin is an act, not who we are.
Less of me, and more of you.
I find my desire to learn about the bible, history, and language growing.
My desire to counsel has always been something in the back of my mind, to which I don't know what to do with. I don't want to do something because of it's comfortability, or it's accessibility, but I also don't want to do something simply because it's freedom's or possibilities. It's hard to say, because I analyze most everything. Here's what it comes to, I'd be lying if I said part of the recognition and money that come with being a recognized musician didn't have something to do with why I want to do it. But, in everything wewant to do in life has a drive and a desire behind it. But, my reasonings behind wanting to know language, history, the bible and so forth have very little selfish desire behind them. Again, there is the underlying desire to be respected, to come off as intelligent and as though I know exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm afraid there will never be contentment in anything I or we do until we listen to the voice of God, and do what HE wants for us. If he says, "go, play music, I'll provide, but you will never be famour nor will you be rich." I will follow, and I could say I only hope the riches I gain from that lifestyle would be experiences and freedom, but again if I'm submissive there would be no "but's."
I'm far from a good person, I believe. I think I am the scum of the earth, though I'm reassured by the Revelation of, well, Revelation. That sin is not who we are, in fact, it may not even be our nature. For we are saints, and sin is something that is a foreign act to us, as christians.
I prefer and believe that aspect a great deal more than the latter. It sets the standard high, it gives little room for justification, and it assures me that we are beautiful. We are saints, not sinners.
Sin is an act, not who we are.
Less of me, and more of you.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
I've Become An Adjective.
1. like or characteristic of a cynic; distrusting or disparaging the motives of others.
2. showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by one's actions, esp. by actions that exploit the scruples of others.
3. bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic.
Jake and I were sitting in my room a couple of nights ago, and I'll preface by saying that it's not often these days that I have much thought-provoking conversation so this was a very refreshing littlerarity. Ok, so we were just talking about things and I expressed to him where I was and my feelings on faith and we delved into a wonderful talk that mostly involved him bringing a lot of things to my attention in a simple conversative way. He read some scripture to me, some from Hebrews, a little from James, some Romans and so on. It was then I realized that we were in worship, we were in fellowship and he communicated to me so eloquently to just, "keep going."
Again, it was not groundbreaking or oversatturated intelligence, it was just simple. We talked about love, and he and I both agreed that when you are in a relationship sometimes you have to do things you don't want to, but you still do 'em. I can't completely say with all bit of truth that I don't want to read my bible, I actually do, so why do I not often than to just read it? And why do I do things that I truly don't want to or even enjoy anymore, rather than doing things that are productive, can help me grow and gain wisdom, and actually have some positive benefits to them?
All this to say, is I have a beautiful life, filled with many wonderful people. I have the utmost respect for my friend Jake, he is a good man who truly wants the best for the people around him and I admire his standards. Jake is a brother, whom I respect and look up to. If it weren't for him and everything he had to say, I may not have so easily decided to just, "keep going."
Hebrews 10 -
26If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.
2. showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by one's actions, esp. by actions that exploit the scruples of others.
3. bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic.
Jake and I were sitting in my room a couple of nights ago, and I'll preface by saying that it's not often these days that I have much thought-provoking conversation so this was a very refreshing littlerarity. Ok, so we were just talking about things and I expressed to him where I was and my feelings on faith and we delved into a wonderful talk that mostly involved him bringing a lot of things to my attention in a simple conversative way. He read some scripture to me, some from Hebrews, a little from James, some Romans and so on. It was then I realized that we were in worship, we were in fellowship and he communicated to me so eloquently to just, "keep going."
Again, it was not groundbreaking or oversatturated intelligence, it was just simple. We talked about love, and he and I both agreed that when you are in a relationship sometimes you have to do things you don't want to, but you still do 'em. I can't completely say with all bit of truth that I don't want to read my bible, I actually do, so why do I not often than to just read it? And why do I do things that I truly don't want to or even enjoy anymore, rather than doing things that are productive, can help me grow and gain wisdom, and actually have some positive benefits to them?
All this to say, is I have a beautiful life, filled with many wonderful people. I have the utmost respect for my friend Jake, he is a good man who truly wants the best for the people around him and I admire his standards. Jake is a brother, whom I respect and look up to. If it weren't for him and everything he had to say, I may not have so easily decided to just, "keep going."
Hebrews 10 -
26If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Bitter.
I am bitter.
Rather, I have become bitter.
The idea of money has embittered me.
Capatalism, Idealism... it all pisses me off.
Right now, I am so utterly annoyed by people who do not have the decency to recognize someone else's need and not take just a little bit of themselves and what they've earned and just GIVE. It has been eye opening, but in the most infuriating of ways. I want to give, my heart is so broken over the idea of what this world could truly be if we all just decided to give a little. I know, I know many people have said the same thing, but after finally getting over being so pissed off I'm confronted by the truth that I have not given the way I should and even want to.
I am wanting to move, so badly, and I believe that's the reasoning behind why I am in fact so very pissed off at my current situation. I don't like oweing money, to anyone, not even my mom. But, I'm making such little money right now and I was sick for so long that I'm so far behind now. I hate money so much, I wish it and the idea didn't exist.
I really wish to go on, but I won't. Because it's useless. I can only hope, and pray, that God would somehow find me out of the billions worth helping when I call for it. I'm not one to ask God the type's of things that seem so selfish, not even, "God please heal me..." or "God I need your help financially..." but, I believe we can ask God anything. I just don't think I'm in a position to where I can speak to my God that way right now.
I'm in a place where deserves my observance, my attention, my love, and my relationship. Then, I'll ask him for some help. But first, I'm going to love him.
Rather, I have become bitter.
The idea of money has embittered me.
Capatalism, Idealism... it all pisses me off.
Right now, I am so utterly annoyed by people who do not have the decency to recognize someone else's need and not take just a little bit of themselves and what they've earned and just GIVE. It has been eye opening, but in the most infuriating of ways. I want to give, my heart is so broken over the idea of what this world could truly be if we all just decided to give a little. I know, I know many people have said the same thing, but after finally getting over being so pissed off I'm confronted by the truth that I have not given the way I should and even want to.
I am wanting to move, so badly, and I believe that's the reasoning behind why I am in fact so very pissed off at my current situation. I don't like oweing money, to anyone, not even my mom. But, I'm making such little money right now and I was sick for so long that I'm so far behind now. I hate money so much, I wish it and the idea didn't exist.
I really wish to go on, but I won't. Because it's useless. I can only hope, and pray, that God would somehow find me out of the billions worth helping when I call for it. I'm not one to ask God the type's of things that seem so selfish, not even, "God please heal me..." or "God I need your help financially..." but, I believe we can ask God anything. I just don't think I'm in a position to where I can speak to my God that way right now.
I'm in a place where deserves my observance, my attention, my love, and my relationship. Then, I'll ask him for some help. But first, I'm going to love him.
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