I am bitter.
Rather, I have become bitter.
The idea of money has embittered me.
Capatalism, Idealism... it all pisses me off.
Right now, I am so utterly annoyed by people who do not have the decency to recognize someone else's need and not take just a little bit of themselves and what they've earned and just GIVE. It has been eye opening, but in the most infuriating of ways. I want to give, my heart is so broken over the idea of what this world could truly be if we all just decided to give a little. I know, I know many people have said the same thing, but after finally getting over being so pissed off I'm confronted by the truth that I have not given the way I should and even want to.
I am wanting to move, so badly, and I believe that's the reasoning behind why I am in fact so very pissed off at my current situation. I don't like oweing money, to anyone, not even my mom. But, I'm making such little money right now and I was sick for so long that I'm so far behind now. I hate money so much, I wish it and the idea didn't exist.
I really wish to go on, but I won't. Because it's useless. I can only hope, and pray, that God would somehow find me out of the billions worth helping when I call for it. I'm not one to ask God the type's of things that seem so selfish, not even, "God please heal me..." or "God I need your help financially..." but, I believe we can ask God anything. I just don't think I'm in a position to where I can speak to my God that way right now.
I'm in a place where deserves my observance, my attention, my love, and my relationship. Then, I'll ask him for some help. But first, I'm going to love him.