Adapting to being "single" I suppose what many would consider
it has been unorthodox thinking for me. This has been different
as in, I didn't feel like I had to reprogram my thought process
or throw away everything that would be reminiscent but rather
it was like a slow fade of affection directed back towards God.
Now, it would be important to note I believe that my relationship
with Jesus is a continued process of learning, messing up,
questioning, relying, ignoring, drawing near to, etc. My
affections for him are not always stirred, and many times I
wake up and I have to force myself to seek him.
The relationships are the same way, and I miss Jordyn to a
different degree everyday, but I am glad that this was an
obvious step that needed to be taken. The growth taken place
in my life and hers is obvious, and that makes me happy.
I know I was not ready, no matter how I would try to convince
myself, it would eventually catch up to me. The circumstances
added to the situation did not make it any easier, but the
microscope I was under I was simply not ready for. So this
is where the adapting comes in, the "what's next?" kind of
mindset, and what do I focus on for the present.
It's not about someone, it's not about something, it's all
about Jesus. I know when we allow him to shape every area
of our life, "coincidences" begin to occur more and we begin
to be taken places and meeting new people, and so on. God is
many times in this awkward position of fulfilling us, and
waiting on us at the same time. It's become more evident to
me as the days have come and gone, that it is so very important
to be a adequate representation of Christ. It's what the
world sees, it's all that people wonder about christianity really
get to have a good look at. This has all been an adapting
process for me, because being single has left a large margin
for opportunity in meeting people, and admittedly it's a bit
daunting and I want to make sure that whatever the circumstance
I get to show them Jesus.
I greatly desire to feel like a man, that is fulfilled by God
and "ready" to fulfill the role that he has placed before me. I
look forward to the day of when I get to start my own family, and
when Sons has been at it for years and established its firm
foundation within the world. I look forward to these days, that is
why THIS time is so very important and necessary. Again, my time
with Jordyn was wonderful, and I wouldn't trade a minute back, not
one. Just like with any of my friends, what I learn from them and
sometimes how I can be convicted through them, is such an important
process. We disciple each other subconsciously sometimes, I love
to just sit back and watch it when I notice. I think one day I will
be ready for the previously mentioned tasks and opportunities, but
for now I will continue to adapt, one day at time.