Thursday, January 22, 2009

Under Attack.

My soul has felt a weight for some days now, feeling under siege
from the enemy and tormenting me with distrust. As I struggle with
issues of pride and stubbornness God has brought opportunity for
me to act against these weaknesses and I have to be honest I have
not done so well. My former relationship, brought
out much of this in me in a good way.

I was taught many things over the past few months, and though
our mistakes are reconcilable I feel like it brought about one
of the best learning experiences I've gone through in all my life.
It challenged me to be real, to follow through, to act selfless
and was a good encourager. I regret to say many times I did not
respond kindly rather my pride shown brighter than any
remnant of love I felt I had to give.

I have amazing friends, Nick, Huck, Zak, Taylor,
John, Randall, Jared... these guys help me to be a better me.
I see attributes in them I wish I had many times. Obviously
Satan is out to ruin me (us) but I have hardly put up a fight.
My greatest desire is for my pride to fall, and in a conversation
tonight with my good friend Jake he really put into words some
things I really needed to hear. I do not always want to be
right, and I do not want to feel like I always have something to
protect. the sanctification process we are all in is growing
more evident to me and my prayer is that God's wisdom would
continue to reign supreme in my thought process and interaction
with others.

I have been a prime example of a brother looking at the speck
in their eyes and not examining the plank in my own. This is
difficult for me to admit, but I need to admit it in order to
take a step to remedy the situation. I've been blessed with
people around me whom challenge me daily, but a spirit of
gentleness has ceased to exist rather in the way I truly wish
existed. When I pray "Less of me, and more of you Father. I
must decrease so that you may increase," I feel he is hearing
that prayer loudly and testing me immensely as of late. Our
faults prayerfully will be torn away from our core more each
day as we fervently seek after God. A heart close to him
clearly is shown in the fruit of the spirit. And, our true
desires I believe are to gain that intimacy with Christ. It
is my most frequent prayer, that we would draw near to him.

The opportunity before us (Sons of God) and those close to
us is one that requires the utmost reliance on our Heavenly
Father and this will be a process. I pray we would be
disciplined in diligently seeking him. Thank you to all of
my amazing friends for challenging me each day to truly seek
after Jesus; take us to the cross so we could could be
reminded of the grace you spilled out for us Father.


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